By Darren Starwynn, O.M.D., Quantum Catalyst

September 12, 2022


The title of this writing may sound simple, or maybe even trite. Yet there is such a profound truth behind those two words that is well worth taking the time to see it with new eyes. The words Choose Love are kind of like the tip of a massive iceberg, and there is this huge, subterranean part of the iceberg that takes you deeper and deeper as you explore it.

So many people feel like they’re carrying a heavy backpack around even when there’s nothing on their back except their shirt. That backpack is stuffed full of hurts from past relationships, goals and visions you let go of and a whole assortment of fears, frustrations and seeming failures. There’s an endless amount of things people try to lighten up this heavy backpack. These include therapies, healing methods, addictive escapes, stuffing and denying feelings and self-destructive behaviors.

I know because I’ve experimented with all of them! Some of them did make my backpack a little lighter. But not light enough for me to fly with my dreams. There has only been one method that has truly lightened me up enough to get really happy and this is to Choose Love. The root of all problems a seeming lack of love, and the medicine that heals all wounds is re-connecting to love.

The mystical Indian poet Kabir wrote “I laugh when I hear that the fish in the ocean are thirsty”. In the same way the experience of lacking love is the ultimate illusion. Love is the ultimate reality of the Universe. It is the basis of everything real and is what everything is made of. Most people have heard the idea that God is love and God is omnipresent. That simply means there is nothing or nowhere that is not love.

Yet the human race has been participating in a bizarre experiment to see how low our consciousness can fall – even low enough to seemingly lose connection with the reality of love.

I hope it relieves you to know that I’m not going to leave you with Choose Love as an idealistic platitiude or philosophy. No, this is a very specific and practice-able method. You can do it and experience remarkable breakthroughs. Although it is really non-linear, I’ll list this method in steps you can chew on one at a time. I sincerely hope will make it clear how you can Choose Love in a fresh way that uplifts your inner experience.

Here are the steps. I’ll list them first and then explain.

Step One is to acknowledge your pain and stop running from it.

Step Two is to locate the place in your body that is most connected to the pain or uncomfortable issue. This is vital whether it’s your own issue or an issue you have with another person.

Step Three is to practice the Inner Smile, radiating your pure love to that place in your body.

Step Four is allow yourself to transform.

Now let’s look further at each of these steps.

Explanation of Step One – Acknowledge Your Pain

You can’t Choose Love when you’re running away from yourself. You know all the ways you do that. If it’s helpful, I’ll list some ways I’ve run away from myself:

Denying my real feelings because I thought I couldn’t stand my own pain and unhappiness

Living in my head – developing a brilliant, inventive and clever mind instead of feeling

Living outside of my body – If I had a dollar for every time in my younger years some perceptive person told me they sensed I was not fully in my body I’d be uber wealthy!

Blaming others for my fear and pain, or projecting my pain onto them – My parents, lovers, friends, politicians and so on.

Making myself financially successful. Being successful is a wonderful expression of who you are. But it is also a very popular substitute in our society for Choosing Love. It can be just another drug to numb and distract you from the pain of not feeling love in that deep place inside that thrives on it.

Developing my spiritual awareness to a high level. Yes, that’s right! There are loads of people acting as spiritual teachers and healers who radiate loads of light to others. Many of them magnetize huge followings. And yet a surprising percentage of them are not fully Choosing Love within themselves. Now I’m not saying these are insincere fakes (although some are). It’s just that they have a gift for opening their higher chakras, and can impress people with the visions they see, the inspiring talks they give, the shakti blessings they can transmit and even their ability to share love. The real question is – how many of them are truly loving themself in the place that it really counts? That number seems to be low based on the number of famous, high-level spiritual teachers who have been disgraced after ripping off their followers or having sex with half of them.

Explanation of Step Two – Locate the Issue In Your Body

Buddha was quoted as saying “For every thought in the mind there is a corresponding sensation in the body”. This is powerful intel!

Once you’ve slowed down from frenetically running away from yourself ask yourself “where in my body am I most feeling this pain/issue/bad relationship/loss/fear ?” Trust where you are guided to. Once you’ve found that place in your body you are a big part of the way there. Now put the palm of one of your hands over that area, connecting with that part of you.

Explanation of Step Three – Practice the Inner Smile

The Inner Smile is an ancient Indian and Tibetan method that is super simple and super powerful. We are programmed to smile at others. That’s a reflex, and what we’re trained to do when first looking at another person. It’s almost unheard of to smile into yourself, but that’s exactly what this is about.

Think of anyone or anything that brings up the feeling of love for you. Could be your dog (a favorite), your child, your lover, a parent or other caretaker, your favorite musician, Jesus, Quan Yin or Mother Earth. Or anything or anyone else that easily brings up love for you. Put a big, physical smile on your face (that’s right, turning up the corners of your mouth). Relax your heart and boost up the feeling of love. You can sincerely ask your love to increase and it will.

Once you’re smiling with love do something really radical. Instead of beaming it onto the external person, place or animal like you usually do, send it inside yourself. Send it to the place you identified in your body where the pain or issue is focused, and your hand is.

Stay with this practice as long as you can, at least 2 – 5 minutes. Open up to your own love.  Feel the connection between your love and this part of your body. Allow it to soak up the love like a flower in the sunshine after a rainstorm.

If you have an issue with another person (living or dead) you can also practice the Inner Smile. Think of that person and ask yourself where in your body are you most connected to your feelings about the person. Trust what you get, put your hand there and do the Inner Smile.

Explanation of Step Four – Allow Yourself to Transform

Steps One – Three are amazingly powerful and transformative. Yet we humans tend to be attached to old habits of thought. It takes deliberate repetition to change a negative, limiting pattern. Do these steps often throughout a day. Stay with the practice of Choosing Love and keep nurturing it whether it seems easy or hard.

I know – this can sound all so intangible. To help overcome that I’ll give you a poignant example from my own life. It’s about my relationship with my now-deceased mother.

I felt deeply wounded by my early childhood relationship with my mother. I grew up with loads of pain and hurt even though she was kind and generous to me after that early period. Anyway I have forgiven her and forgiven myself many, many times throughout my life. I don’t feel any anger or resentment toward her, and actually feel a lot of gratitude for all the good things my mother did for me.

But even through I felt at peace with and appreciative of my mother I realized this last weekend that I was not truly, fully LOVING her. Late last night I woke up at about 3 AM and knew it was time to really Choose Love with my mother much more than I had yet done. I was guided to my heart, and called her soul to be there in it. I did the Inner Smile and radiated the purest love I could muster to her. It felt amazing.

It was a revelation. I realized I had done everything to heal this relationship except for this. I have felt a new level of love and serenity throughout this day, and I have frequently taken a few minutes here and there to Choose Love. This was a big missing piece for me because withholding love from my mother, even subtly, was preventing me from loving fully in my present life.

This is true because reality is holographic. That means that everything is connected to everything else, everywhere. If I withhold love in any area of my life I’m withholding it in all areas. If I share love generously with anyone it uplifts all areas of my experience.

I also just received a new client referral, a woman with chronic fibromyalgia. I immediately knew that this was the Universe reinforcing the lesson. Throughout my long career as an acupuncturist, holistic healer and Quantum healer I’ve learned that fibromyalgia and many other forms of chronic pain often arise from unhealed anger, resentments or taking on toxic energies from others. Because of those resentments the person unconsciously withholds love in some part of their holographic reality. In fibromyalgia patients this manifests through lower functioning of body organs and tissues that end up hurting and inflamed. I will use all my best skills and techniques to serve this woman. And I know it will include coaching in Choosing Love.

This article could turn into a whole book about this subject. In the interest of keeping it brief I will close it with this final, exciting thought. Because Choosing Love is the ultimate solution to all our pains, hurts, depression, and conflicts, and reality is holographic, you can act as a planetary healer. To do that follow the same four step process described above.

Think about all of humanity and our precious Earth. Ask where in your body you have deep feelings about the current situation of the human race. Or any specific crisis you are very concerned about such as climate change, political injustice and corruption, women’s rights, preserving democracy, ending war or anything else. Put your hand over that area and Choose Love. Radiate your Inner Smile into that area. Know that you are contributing to the healing of that planetary issue you are focusing on.

The biggest requirement for doing this is to give up your belief that your love is limited. The source of all love is within you. Start by liberally sharing it with yourself and your hurting parts. Then Choose Love as often as possible. The more you embody this the richer and more joyful your life will become. And all life.


Reverend Darren Starwynn has written four groundbreaking books, led hundreds of workshops and seminars, invented several vibrational medical devices used worldwide and helped develop advanced mind-body healing systems. As a Quantum Catalyst, Darren’s greatest passion is empowering healthcare professionals and healers to awaken their consciousness, empower their skills and fulfill their highest potential as Master Healers. He can be reached at and  His newest book Awakening the Avatar Within contains detailed instructions for Planetary Healing in Chapter 13.

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